Asking Permission

My Dear Friends,

I have recently uncovered something about myself. I ask permission all the time, about everything.

When I was a child, that was a good thing. "May I have a cookie?" or "May I go to my friend’s house to play?" Even as an adult there are times when its a good idea. "May I borrow your lawn mower?" or "May I borrow that book?"

There is an appropriate time to ask permission. But there are times when it doesn’t make sense.

When someone would ask me a question I wouldn’t give a direct answer. I would first give all the background reasons for my answer. I wanted them to understand my answer and approve of me.

I would also tell everyone I knew all the details of my life and get their opinion. If most people thought I was making good decisions then I felt good. But too much criticism made me very unsure of myself.

Somewhere along the line I was taught to always ask permission. I was not encouraged or empowered to think for myself. So I have always been looking for an authority figure to tell me what to do and how to live my life.

My decisions as an adult are tentative. There is a part of me that wants to be sure that my decisions are ok with everybody. It has only been recently that I realized I don’t need anyone’s approval to simply live my life.

Where and when I was taught to ask permission is a little hard to pin down. I have a fairly good idea why I was taught this, but it involves a very touchy subject - male chauvinism.

The Farlex, free online dictionary defines male chauvinism as: "Activity indicative of belief in the superiority of men over women."

The Encarta online encyclopedia defines it this way: "Belief in the innate superiority of men justifying denial of equal treatment to women."

However you describe it, this way of thinking is woven into the very fabric of almost every society on the planet.

It is so subconscious that it never occurred to any of the authority figures in my life - parents, preachers, teachers - that I, as a girl, needed to be encouraged and empowered to think for myself and make my own decisions.

It was never an overt attitude. No one ever said to me that boys were better than girls. But in the 50’s and 60’s girls were usually taught to be good and loving wives and mothers.

That said, male chauvinism is only one piece of the puzzle. There are other factors that influence the way I do things. My parents, preachers and teachers most likely had challenges of their own. They may not have been able to look beyond themselves in order to empower someone else.

So I’ve begun the process of letting go of the past and retraining myself to only ask permission when appropriate. I don’t need to tell everyone everything. I don’t need to explain myself to everybody.

I am a rational adult and I make good decisions. I have the Holy Spirit to guide me. He is the only authority figure that I need to consult about how I live my life.

I stand on the promise of 2 Corinthians 5:17. "What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!"

Thanks for listening,

Sarah

The Search For Sarah

My Dear Friends,

Through a series of small, unrelated events, the Lord led me to purchase the book, "Self Matters," by Dr. Phil McGraw. This book talks about finding your authentic self, the one you were created to be.

Reading through the first three chapters, there is a growing awareness that I am not in touch with my real self.

Who I really am is something God wants me to discover. It is a little frightening, though, because this is serious, this is real. I have avoided myself for so long that I don't know what I'll find.

But God has promised to go with me. He gave me Isaiah 41:10 as assurance. "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand."

I'm not afraid to share my failures with you because you may be able to relate. Not knowing who I am has contributed to many negative things in my life - being overweight, being married and divorced three times, working at a job that gives no joy.

I have listened to family, friends, the TV and even the Enemy tell me who I am. What I want to know is who does God say I am? Not all Christians in general, just me specifically.

I know that God has a wonderful purpose and plan for me. One of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 29:11, says, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

But I wonder, if I don't know who I am, can God still reveal His plan to me? The answer must be "yes" because part of His plan is to help me find my true self.

If any of this sounds familiar or if you wonder who God created you to be, I recommend getting a copy of Dr. Phil's book, "Self Matters." At the very least you will confirm that you know who you are. Or you may discover a "you" that you didn't know existed. This book can only help you.

Another book I highly recommend is the Bible, New Living Translation, by Tyndale House. I've read and used other versions but the NLT is my favorite.

The only other thing I would recommend is quieting your heart and mind and listening for that still, small voice. Hear God whisper how tenderly He loves you, how precious you are to Him and how glad He is that you exist.

Thanks for listening,

Sarah