Asking Permission

My Dear Friends,

I have recently uncovered something about myself. I ask permission all the time, about everything.

When I was a child, that was a good thing. "May I have a cookie?" or "May I go to my friend’s house to play?" Even as an adult there are times when its a good idea. "May I borrow your lawn mower?" or "May I borrow that book?"

There is an appropriate time to ask permission. But there are times when it doesn’t make sense.

When someone would ask me a question I wouldn’t give a direct answer. I would first give all the background reasons for my answer. I wanted them to understand my answer and approve of me.

I would also tell everyone I knew all the details of my life and get their opinion. If most people thought I was making good decisions then I felt good. But too much criticism made me very unsure of myself.

Somewhere along the line I was taught to always ask permission. I was not encouraged or empowered to think for myself. So I have always been looking for an authority figure to tell me what to do and how to live my life.

My decisions as an adult are tentative. There is a part of me that wants to be sure that my decisions are ok with everybody. It has only been recently that I realized I don’t need anyone’s approval to simply live my life.

Where and when I was taught to ask permission is a little hard to pin down. I have a fairly good idea why I was taught this, but it involves a very touchy subject - male chauvinism.

The Farlex, free online dictionary defines male chauvinism as: "Activity indicative of belief in the superiority of men over women."

The Encarta online encyclopedia defines it this way: "Belief in the innate superiority of men justifying denial of equal treatment to women."

However you describe it, this way of thinking is woven into the very fabric of almost every society on the planet.

It is so subconscious that it never occurred to any of the authority figures in my life - parents, preachers, teachers - that I, as a girl, needed to be encouraged and empowered to think for myself and make my own decisions.

It was never an overt attitude. No one ever said to me that boys were better than girls. But in the 50’s and 60’s girls were usually taught to be good and loving wives and mothers.

That said, male chauvinism is only one piece of the puzzle. There are other factors that influence the way I do things. My parents, preachers and teachers most likely had challenges of their own. They may not have been able to look beyond themselves in order to empower someone else.

So I’ve begun the process of letting go of the past and retraining myself to only ask permission when appropriate. I don’t need to tell everyone everything. I don’t need to explain myself to everybody.

I am a rational adult and I make good decisions. I have the Holy Spirit to guide me. He is the only authority figure that I need to consult about how I live my life.

I stand on the promise of 2 Corinthians 5:17. "What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun!"

Thanks for listening,

Sarah